I’ve been living… and it’s been more than 23 years – more than one third of an average human being’s life.
I sometimes find time in moments of calm to thank God for the beautiful life I’ve seen, for the dream-like family and friends I’ve been blessed with, for the way things have just fallen in place and how, enwrapped and over-ruled by this all pervasive world of man-made rules, mannerisms, pretentiousness and ‘perspectives of others of the same kind as me’, I’ve behaved and interpreted things in a “humanly perceived” proper way. I find it strange…
I have experienced life from childhood to youth, have experienced moments of happiness, pain, success, failure, respect, responsibility, love, hatred and myriad other emotions like the trillions of people who have taken birth and died. In the same moment of calm, I elaborate my thoughts and think how millions of them would’ve lived honest lives, some would’ve cheated others of their contemporary times, made more money or wealth (whatever wealth meant at that time). And how, in spite of those occupying lives and all activities that made their busy lives, there is no trace of those people. Probably trillions will keep taking birth and die the same way.
I don’t think about all this to give up living life the “normal social” human way, but these ‘once a decade’ thoughts inspire me… When sometimes I go and see my face in the mirror, I’m unable to believe that this is me. I keep staring at the image for a minute and then something inside me isolates itself from the face, hands and the body, I realise the concept of “aatma” (soul) being different from the “shareer” (body). I repeat my name Arjun and realise how others associate this word with the image that is in front of me and this question pops up… “Main kaun hoon?” (Who am I?). I move my hands and realise how I have been given access to these wonderful organs, how my body is automatically breathing in and out and how this time is so limited and within this time, I have to use this body to achieve something. WHAT IS THIS SOMETHING? WHY HAVE I BEEN GIVEN ACCESS TO THIS BODY? WHAT IS MY AIM OF MY TAKING BIRTH? Is this just me who’s mad at this time or is it everyone around me, so involved with petty day to day issues unable to see the truth? If this is the truth, which 99.99999% people can’t see, then maybe it is not meant to be seen. I feel an immense sense of responsibility to make the most of this body. This inspires me to believe that in the 2/3rds of the life left, I have this precious opportunity of finding out who I am and to live every moment to the fullest.
Progressing a bit further on the same philosophy of trying to make out my role as a human being, my mom’s words come in my mind. She, being born a Hindu and having undying faith in the teachings of Gita, says that we are here to do good to others and accumulate good deeds, after which we will exhaust our karma and become one with Krishna, the God. I feel a great sense of satisfaction in thinking that way, but the feeling of not existing in any form and becoming one with God is also scaring. What will I be if I won’t be anything? Plus, if it is true, why is the population of the world just increasing and increasing? Where are the new people coming from? To this, my mom has an answer – all these human beings that you see, you and me, were existing in different forms of life earlier and have now got the birth of a human and this is the testing time, as only humans are sane enough to realise what is wrong and what is right. Agreed, but why on earth have suddenly all creatures become lucky enough to be given human forms when it is so great? Well, I can tell you she has answers to all my questions, but after a point I feel kinda unsatiated with the answers, so try to explore other reasons myself.
My theory – What if I made a toy?
If I were an accomplished scientist (capable of creating whatever I wanted to) and I wished to make a toy for my entertainment, what would I create? Lets do this together.
I may have created a world, where independent objects would be able to interact with each other and have senses through which they would identify their surroundings, then I would give them enough intelligence to engage in certain activities themselves which would result in exciting interaction so that I would be able to just watch what they do amongst themselves which would be great entertainment for me. But if I gave them limited intelligence, they would do just the same thing again and again. So I would give them evolving intelligence, where they become more and more intelligent as they keep learning from their experiences. Oh, but if I were to give them evolving intelligence, they would, at a stage evolve to my level and overtake or equal my intelligence and become a threat to me. What then? No, I would limit that by giving them very less time, so that they wouldn’t evolve enough to equal my intelligence and perish before reaching any close to my intelligence. I would want interaction, making them 100% dependable on each other would result in that. A would need B to survive, and C would need A to live. But why would they want to live? Because the process of not living or dying would inflict an undesirable feeling called pain. Avoiding pain and having love for the ones of their own kind would force them to avoid death and inflicting the same pain on someone else would be their only solution to avoid it. It would be such an entertaining game.. wouldn’t it?
What if God was that scientist and all of us his toys? What if we were here just to entertain him? Well, then Hitler would have attained the most brownie points!! 😀 I know it sounds silly, but just for once, think of it that way. Or else tell me the reason for your existence.
I am a believer in God and try to imbibe in myself, aspects of every religion which my heart prefers to believe and which my brain is able to justify. So, you can’t call me an atheist trying to play around, I’m just writing what I feel, afterall blogs are meant to write what you feel, I’ve tried to discuss some things that I haven’t been able to justfy.
4 replies on “What inspires me to go on…”
I just came across your blog randomly, and started reading it. I am so astonished to read the same thoughts that I have been feeling. “ who am i??” what is my purpose here??” (just to keep the cycle moving on or something else??). Your “God and Toy” theory really touched my thoughts, that we are given limited time, in that limited time we are so involved in our day to day activity that we forget the true meaning of being here in this world. I do have this feeling that we have some other purpose for being here but are too blinded by the worldly desires to see it. I have feeling that I need to search something but don’t know what??
I have these other thoughts as well, which make me feel that we are trapped inside something, can’t say may be time. Our thinking has boundaries, I can’t seem to think beyond what if we break free of these boundaries, what if there is no time ( no past , no present , no future) what if we don’t need to breathe, eat??, what if there are no desires??
These are my thoughts. Nice to know other human beings think this way too.
Thank you for this
It is difficult to explore the mystries of life and death only on the logic of karma..there is much more behind the story ..I think it wouldve been easier if god had opened all these chapters infront of us and made all the human beings his disciples. It depends on us how we use our intelligence ..your life is what your thoughts are..WE do our life!This is my theory towards life…!
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